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Not Self Stress and the Mind

I was listening to a class recently and heard a student new to Human Design remark that Strategy and Authority is sure mentioned a lot. Sometimes 3,4,5 times a page. And that seemed annoying to her at first. And another student remarked that “surrender” was not an easy word for her either. Both in what the mind wanted to do with it and also in the actual act of surrender. Surrender to your Strategy and Authority is the mantra of the Human Design system, and yet what our Not-Self mind struggles with the most. And because of that our vehicle ends up struggling.

In the past two years I have had experience after experience of what happens when I don’t surrender my mind to my vehicle’s Strategy and Authority. I have been working with Design since 2001 and I would have “thought” that I had this part down. But the last two years reinforced for me how easy it is still for the Not-Self mind to distort my correct process, my correct decision making, my correct life – and most importantly my health because that is where the resistance shows up when I am not in alignment. When I am not following my true path and flowing with my true life.

For me the stress always shows up in my 3 open centers. I am a 3/5 Manifesting Generator with a completely open root center and ego/heart center, and an open solar plexus center with one hanging unconscious gate (the 49th).

And when my NS mind gets going it always relates to taking on more pressure and stress than is correct for me in order to prove myself to myself or others in some way, or not upset someone. It also takes on the added worry through the 49th gate of will I be rejected from the tribe if I do not take on what someone else wants me to. (That 5th line in my profile does indeed get called on – a lot!). In fact I have to laugh because as I was writing that last line my friend who I am staying with at the moment just interrupted me to ask me to open a bottle for her she could not figure out how to open. So up I popped and went and opened it. At least this time though I did say to her I can give you just one minute because I am in the middle of something.

But over the past two years I allowed myself to “think” my way into taking on way too much pressure in order to try to prove myself in a partnership, and then to move in with and take care of my 85 year old alcoholic father in order to prove that I was a good daughter and that I loved him. And in the process over the last two years I just about killed myself. I developed high blood pressure for the first time in my life, burned out my adrenals, and also suffered a concussion because I was so stressed and not taking care of myself properly. And then ended up in the emergency room “thinking” that I was having a heart attack from all of the stress.

I am not a victim but I sure wasn’t letting my vehicle run the show. Every time it gave me a clear signal to stop I overrode it. Now admittedly relationship and family – especially for the open solar plexus – are the two biggest tests. And I am grateful for the lessons that I learned through all of this – and the reinforcement of what are healthy boundaries for me – which I am now learning to actually live with. But boy it was a ride I would have loved to have missed. And it was all in my mind. My body kept trying to get through to me – but I continued to let my mind run the show. And then to top it off I let my father completely ignore and question and deride my authority every single day. Which is perhaps the hardest task we have in truly living our authentic self – how do we do that around people who do not recognize or want to accept it.

For me the answer was to finally remove myself from those people who were resisting me being me. And to find or return to people who do allow me to be me – who actually celebrate me being me. But even when I moved away from all of that apparent stress my mind was still trying to run the show. And was still literally worrying me to death. So with no other options I finally did what I was taught to do, over and over again. Surrender to my Strategy and Authority. Respond – not initiate. And trust my response in the moment. The next moment will take care of itself. I do not need to know what it will bring. I simply need to have my sacral available to respond and trust that response. Even if my mind doesn’t understand it – even if no one else understands it.

I am in that great flowering stage of life – I am post Kiron Return – and I really want to enjoy this stage. To exalt in my uniqueness, in my individuality, in my ability to look around and really see this world and the magic that it is made of. And the only thing that was, that is, truly standing in the way of that is my NS mind. Not my true mind that just watches the movie and has a great time. But that conditioned mind that worries about everything and everyone. I remember sitting on a little island in the middle of Lake Titicaca in Peru 5 years ago and a shaman telling me that I already knew everything he was telling everyone else – my only issue is that my mind never stopped worrying. And I laughed. Five years later I feel like I have finally gotten 100% of what he was saying.

But it’s like being in a 12 step program. It’s one day at a time, one response at a time. I cannot have the hubris to believe that I am never going to override my vehicle again. All I can do is trust my Strategy and Authority. And surrender.
posted on March 11 2014

PTL I with Bethi Black

Hi Everyone,

Ra said that Human Design is an evolution that takes hold one person at a time. And it is an amazing evolution. That's what I love best about the Analyst program. Each student goes through an exploration of their own self that is unparalleled by any other program I have ever been a part of. And then the students get to go out into the world and help others to connect with their true selves as well.

I spent most of this year traveling around the U.S. presenting Human Design to people who for the most part had never even heard of it. In the process I ended up giving a couple of hundred readings and it felt so wonderful to be able to support people in this way. I worked with all ages - 12 to 80.

And each reading only validated for me more how valuable this system is in people's lives. Over and over again I heard "this is exactly me - how can this chart tell you all of that." And I would just laugh and say I know - it's incredibly specific isn't it. And then I would hear, "wow I wish I knew this all when I was younger - it all makes so much more sense now." And I would laugh again because it is so true. And then they would ask me to do readings for their kids. That was really gratifying. Especially for this 3/5 who needs to trust something over and over and over again.

More then ever now I am looking forward to sharing all of these experiences with the students in the new Analyst class starting in January. I am going to structure the class a little differently this year and we will have lecture and practice in each and every class. You will get to spend an entire year exploring how a reading is put together, and practicing the art of sharing it with another. The best part if that we all will be supporting you as well.

And we have a special bonus for the new January 2014 Analyst class. Cathy Kinnaird is going to do an in-depth exploration of circuitry that we will use as a teaching module in future analyst classes and my class starting in January is invited to attend this 20 lesson 2 semester ($1200) class for free. (You can download the recordings if you cannot attend live.)

Cathy is a walking encyclopedia of circuitry with amazing slides and I for one am really looking forward to deepening my exploration of all of the channels and circuits in the bodygraph. If you have already taken the analyst training, you can contact the IHDS for analyst discounts for Cathy's course.

Thanks so much for being part of my Human Design adventure. And here's to another year of knowledge and compassion. Thanks Ra!

And if you have any questions about the upcoming class - please feel free to email me at beth@ihdschool.com.


Bethi Black
Asst Director of the IHDS

For more information or to register for PTL I please click here.

For more information on Cathy Kinnaird's Circuitry Class please click here.

posted on December 27 2013

The Pelican and the Whale

Reflections from an unconscious abstract mind are a wonderful thing. My 64-47 lives in the land of metaphor and simile. I can learn about and navigate the logic of Human Design, and am immensely grateful for the anchors and signposts and footholds it gives me. But the magic for me individually is when an image or a story just pops out of my mind that I can recognize my own unique truth in. (a mind that floats up there with my wide split, unconnected to any other part of me.)  And sometimes even be invited to share that reflection through my 8-1 and 33-13.

Here's an example: I was reflecting the other day on the partnering of seemingly very different energies that Lynda and I are experiencing and enjoying through the IHDS. And my first "thought" was to sit down and look at our charts in terms of the channels at least (you can see them below) with my conscious 24th gate wanting to help me figure it out. So I looked at the charts and saw the obvious. One of us logical and tribal and one of us abstract and collective. Seemingly on the surface at least - kind of opposites.

But then that shaman 64-47 took over and out popped this image of a pelican and a whale. And my whole being smiled because it was the perfect metaphor for the differences and strengths of our designs individually and together. For how we live and play together in the same ocean.

Lynda is the pelican. Sometimes she flies high over the ocean alone, circling, unconscious of where she is to go yet but always on purpose when the energy moves her, and always looking for that one specific thing she is here to do. And when she finds it she soars up even higher and then dives in with such power and speed and focus and grabs that fish that only she is here to see. And then she heads off for the next one, wherever and whenever that is.

And sometimes she joins her flock and she flies along in a perfect line - probably leading it - but part of a perfect pattern, a single energy almost, a dozen pelicans skimming along and riding the waves until it is time for her to break off again and go after another fish.

And I am the Humpback Whale. Journeying for the most part alone, deep in the ocean, under the waves. Sometimes being called out by my pod, sometimes bonding with another whale to swim along together. Singing without question my own unique song, and taking a long long journey to get to where I am going. An inner gps guides me but I only really know where I am when I get there. Feeding by opening up my enormous mouth and taking in millions of little creatures at a time, and half the ocean, to finally cull through it all for the nutrition that feeds me. For what inspires my energy.

Dancing with those giant wing like fins, alive in the pure discovery of it all, and then leaping into the air with any recognition that fills me with enthusiasm. And sharing it with everyone and anyone who is around in that moment. The excitement literally does, sometimes much to my chagrin, just come spouting out of me and many people I notice quickly step back so they don't get drenched. And then I dive back down deep into my own journey again, not knowing when I will pop back up for air and light but totally absorbed in that ocean of moments.

Another example: My good friend Bonnie was describing to me the interactions that were going on between her two grand-daughters - both with defined egos - one a 4 year old 1/3 pure MG with the Channel of Charisma and the Channel of Intimacy, and the other an 8 year old 3/5 MG with the Channel of Talent and the Channel of Rhythm. And my friend, who is now beginning to study Human Design, was asking me for my thoughts on how to best guide them as the 8 year old who had always been the center of attention was now being eclipsed by the four year old, and she wasn't happy about it.

And I started to give her my guidance based on their designs and how to best support them and then in popped that mind again and the movie Gone With the Wind floated through (I mean it really is as Ra says a movie after all).

And I said - you know - Carmen - the four year old - is like Scarlett O'Hara and Stella - the eight year old - is like Melanie. Carmen is always going to have everyone flocking around her, and she will wrap them around her little finger if she chooses (and already does). For show-and-tell the week that everyone needed to bring in something starting with the letter C - she brought herself.

But Stella is the one who will be holding the pattern and the rhythm and bringing the depth and wisdom that everyone needs (and already does). She stood up in front of the entire karate dojo last week and taught the entire room, children and adults alike, how to do all of the basic movements as well as the history of the black belt she is already on her way to earning.

Now again, perhaps a very simplistic way of looking at the immense detail and layers in their charts - but for my mind it made perfect sense. And my friend got it too. And she was able to step back for a moment and laugh and just get the humor and the story of this life we are all living together.

Human Design is profound, and life altering, and without question for me the most important work and system there is - and it is also so so much fun.

Randy Richmond is doing a workshop next semester for the IHDS about the Magic and the Mystery of Human Design and how to empower yourself with your own mythic process. I for one am going to grab a front row seat!

posted on December 16 2010

Third Lines - What a Concept

My father was attempting to recall a cartoon character that he said I reminded him of the other day and so I looked in Wikipedia for him. The character was Joe Btfsplk (from the comic strip Li'l Abner.) He's well-meaning, but is the world's worst jinx, bringing disastrous misfortune to everyone around him. A small, dark rain cloud perpetually hovers over his head to symbolize his bad luck.

At one point in his story he traps his cloud in a special anti-pollutant jar, until he forced to release it again one day to help a friend in need and wistfully realizes that he wasn't meant for any other kind of life. As he returns to his normal, loner existence, his cloud once again in tow, he is for the moment satisfied to be who he really is.

Aside from the fact that Joe wasn't the cheeriest character to be compared to, I understood in that moment what it really must feel like for a parent to raise a 3rd line child. (some parents anyway.) My 3/5 profile must have been a real puzzle to others who could feel that I was a capable and willing child, always eager to help, always looking for ways to make things better for those around me. And yet constantly - in their eyes at least - always messing it up. As if I was the one in control of it.

I could walk down a hallway and something would jump off a table as I passed by and crash to the floor. I could turn on the television set and that would the moment the picture tube decided to blow. Every light bulb in the house seemed to know when I would hit the switch and pop just for me. Teaching me to drive a car was truly an experience. Other cars would spring out of nowhere no matter how careful I was.

But I kept persevering because that's what 3rd lines do. What else can we do? And every time I would discover something that did not work, I would attempt to share that discovery with others. I wanted to save them from having that same issue themselves. But people didn't want to hear it. Why are you always so negative, they would say. Why don't you just focus on the positive? To me - the most positive thing I could do was save some other poor soul from what I had just experienced. I was fine having it happen to me if it could at least serve others as well. And yet all everyone saw was the "cloud" over my head.

I have never felt like a victim of life. And I still don't, even when I find myself laughing at the newest thing I have managed to discover. Like the day I was in an online class with Lynda and somehow managed to change the language on my screen into Russian. It was good to know we had other languages. Now if someone asked me where that feature was - I could tell them. At the moment it was a little disconcerting but that's life.

I haven't had children myself in this lifetime, but I have raised a god-daughter for a time. An adorable little 1/3 Projector who always worried and worried that she was going to get it wrong. (because she was - and was meant to) And I was able to share with her from a place of common experience that there is no failure for a 3rd line. (I personally don't believe there is failure for anyone). That our path of trail and error is our greatest tool and our greatest gift to share with others. And that when you can laugh at yourself and all of the silly, wonderful, surprising things that just keep bumping into you along the way, you can have a more amazing ride than you ever imagined. (Now I also have the 46-29 which helps.)

I had another friend who used to talk to me in Yoda's voice - always saying - don't try - do. And that worked great for her 2nd line profile. It did not work at all for my 3rd line and we had quite a few "discussions" about it along the way.

Truthfully, it wasn't until I heard Ra speak about 3rd lines for the first time, and realized that I was sitting there with tears streaming down my cheeks, that I recognized how deeply I had felt misunderstood and even misunderstood myself most of my life.

I share all of this with you today simply to give thanks for all that Human Design has to offer, even for us 53 year old children who are still growing up. And to invite you to discover for yourself, if you haven't already, who your children really are. If there is a 3rd line in there, celebrate them. They walk a road that is at times rocky but always profound.

As Ra has said over and over again, as Dharmen and Leela share so wonderfully in their parenting workshops, encourage their discovery. Reassure them that they are not failures, and that it was not their "fault." Thank them for all of the understanding that they will bring to your life and the lives around you. And do it from as early an age as you can. If they know that they can't be wrong in your eyes, they will grow into beings with incredible wisdom and resilience. And be willing to share with you things that you will never see for yourself in any other way.
posted on December 6 2010

Uniqueness and Correctness and All the Colors of Life

I was listening to a wonderful recording by the poet David Whyte as I drove across country recently. He told a marvelous story about a mythological tribe that had lived on the British Isles many moons ago. They were a very peace loving tribe who co-existed in harmony with other tribes and with nature. A very Pacific tribe as he described them.

And then the tides began to bring other tribes to their shores, much more warlike tribes who saw the British Isles as their new territory to conquer. And they challenged the peace loving tribe to a battle thinking that the peace loving tribe would simply flee or be easily slaughtered. But on the day of the battle, much to their amazement the peace loving tribe showed up on the field dressed in all of their most glorious finery. Beautiful headdresses, flowing robes and a myriad of colors. And they stood calmly and silently and waited.

And then - as the warlike tribe began to advance toward them - as a whole - they turned sideways to the light and disappeared!

The point he was making was that - whenever we are asked to engage in any form of conversation that diminishes us - that diminishes the truth of who we are - rather than engage with it - we can simply turn ourselves sideways to the light and disappear. This has stayed with me so strongly in terms of my own journey with Human Design.

We are each here to be unique, to be that outer authority that communicates it's truth. We are not here to do battle in ways that do not serve that truth.  We are not here to engage in a homogenized way! Each and every moment of our day is a new conversation, an opportunity to experience the movie as Ra would say in ever increasing awareness.

We each have our own perfect way of being, of living our design, in a vehicle that knows much better than we do not only how to exist on this plane, but also what a an incredible ride it really is when you can surrender to it.  When you can sit back and purely witness, without reacting to conditioning, everything that is taking place around you.

And your vehicle if you trust it, no matter what your definition:

whether you are operating from your sacral in the moment, or surfing an emotional wave, or following that existential urging of your spleen, or the powerful surge of your ego;

whether you are waiting to respond, or waiting for the invitation, or the inspiration - or simply standing open and receptive and sampling all that takes place around you as it travels so powerfully through you like our Reflector friend, teacher and guide, Dharmen;

your vehicle knows the conversations that are correct for you! Knows the conversations that will allow you to live out YOUR purpose. That will allow you to discover and share those unique perspectives that only you can.

But it is a journey of surrender. Surrendering to your strategy, surrendering to your authority, surrendering to a de-conditioning process that will take you up - down - left - right - over - under and back again. Surrendering to the RIDE of your life! So that no one, no conditioning, no homogenized world can take away from you the conversations that only you can have!

For me Human Design is that light, that incredible awreness I can turn sideways to, and disappear into, whenever someone wants me to engage with them in a way that diminishes the uniqueness of who I am.  And what a profound light it is. I hope you enjoy all of your conversations as fully as you can. And thanks for being you!
posted on November 20 2010

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